At a loss for words

Life truly isn't fair, it seems, to us at times. And Friday is the perfect example. I went to the grocery store Friday morning after making one unintentionable stop. I rushed through the store hoping to save time so I could get back home and finish up a sewing job for the horse rescue Red came from. I always take 53 N to Bowers and turn left and make my way home. This time I never got to Bowers although it was right there. Six cars back from first car I saw the semi slide into the ditch, rock sideways, but remain upright. I saw a small fire start in the lower left front and people running all over the place. Within seconds the entire cab of the truck was engulfed in flames and the sky and roadway turned black with thick, acrid smoke. AND CARS KEPT COMING FROM THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION THROUGH THAT HAZE! The fact no other accident occured was amazing. I didn't want to sit there much longer but heard sirens getting closer so none of us moved. Once the fire dept arrived we all started to turn around to take other roads heading North. Told Klaus about the accident and could still taste and smell diesel fuel so once groceries were put away, took a long hot shower.
Later that evening a friend called to say that one our girlfriend's husband was killed in a crash earlier in the morning and when she told me where I nearly fell over. I immediatly called my husband downstairs and told him it was Kathy"s husband, Eric, who had been killed.
What I didn't see at the accident site was her car because it was to the side and partially under the semi. And today I learned that while having to sit there watching that truck burn, Eric was still in the car. They said he died on impact, it was head on, and didn't feel a thing. Why is that supposed to make it better? I have always hated that phrase.
I feel guilty for having watched that truck burn not knowing someone was dead. She feels guilty having sent him to the store. When I look back on yesterday I remember seeing the car take the curve, no brake lights, then the semi going into the ditch. I did not see the collision, only the aftermath. I don't have the words to express how I feel but had to go see her this morning and just hug her and hug I did and just listened until she began blaming herself. I know that's how we think. I did the same thing after my riding accident and beat myself up so badly it took 30 yrs to ride again.
So while we try to figure out the whys and what ifs, life goes on around us. I wish I had the right words to say to comfort her but as harsh as it sounds, she has to want to be comforted and move on. Maybe if one of her sister's can give me some of his clothing, I can make a quilt for her to help her heal. All I can do is ask.