Finally got up the gumption to tear apart, clean out and refresh a small garden up front. I kept putting it off (4 years!) because I did not want to deal with it. I believe in a way that was my attitude toward Meins over the last year after my last fall. I didn't want to deal with what I did wrong to cause me to fall. All that was injured that day was my ego. But it hurt badly.
Despite my accident 30 + yrs ago, giving up horses was not an option and now that I have two I had to remind myself that they are not here just because. This is my second chance to be a "horse person". So I had to dig deep down, tear apart my fears, clean out my inhibitions and refresh my desire to be a participant and ride my own horse instead of watching someone else ride him. It's not been an easy thing to do.
Whenever Meins would suck back I now believe he was responding to my trepidations. We were going sideways and backwards in our training. My fear overtook any pleasure I had riding until I no longer looked forward to it. In a way this past year of not riding gave me the time I needed to really look at what it was I wanted out of our horse-human partnership. That fear is still there. It will never go away. But as long as I can see where I'm headed and not worry about what's behind I'll keep my "forward motion"!
Now when I look at how nice my garden turned out I know my efforts to get the results wanted were well worth it. I think Meins and Paha are benefiting from a more confident mama.
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